Redefining My Relationship with Allah; from Earthly to Divine

[فداء الرسول]

Redefining My Relationship with Allah; from Earthly to Divine

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I know that's a confusing title. Stay with me for a second.


Recently, I got an epiphany of the sort that leaves you a little different than before. One that immediately struck me and that flooded my eyes with tears. As soon as I felt them on my cheeks, I began questioning whether they were tears of joy or tears of agony. Tears of regret or tears of humility. Whatever they were, I knew at that moment that I had transformed my idea of who I should be as a human being and a servant to Allah. The joy was from the relief of finding truth and an answer. The agony was from the pain of not having known for so long. The regret was from the shame that I felt. And the humility was from the reality of how small I am in comparison to His universe and the Almighty Allah Himself.

I realized something profound. A part of me had been projecting my notions of human relationships onto my relationship with the Creator. Many of my insecurities about people became ones I practiced when I spoke to Allah (swt). Although, I had been speaking to Allah as a friend and a father figure, there was a flaw in this I could not see. Once I began to compare the way I felt in human relationships with the one I had with my Lord, it became instantly clear how much of myself I had put in Him. I realized how much I was really projecting onto my notion of my relationship with the Lord and this caused me to feel some shame and regret. I came to the conclusion that if I was to redefine my relationship with Allah, I must first decode my projections and learn about Allah's mercy with his servants first hand - and that is from His ahadeeth.

People have limitations. Even the ones who claim to be in infinite love have limitations. Their time and energy devoted to caring is dependent on a number of factors that can be clouded by the ego. It is impossible to confidently claim for any human on this earth that they are in a genuine and fully committed relationship ; as you are not their creator and you have no access to their deep thoughts and feelings. We mustn't forget that their very essence of their humanity is built on sin and imperfection. Thus our expectations from our relationships with people should not be same ones we place on our relationship with the Lord. Your father and your mother or your wife or your husband as well as your siblings and friends can be the best of people on this earth whom you know but they are not Allah. The rules of engagement and the relationship which we practice with them can never be compared with the one with the Al Mighty. How do we tell the difference? What makes our relationship with Allah special? That was the question I sought to answer.

I'm going to share with you through the following, the thoughts going through my head that struck me into the realization that I had to redefine my relationship with Allah. Here goes:


1) Relationships with people are those that are human and that are based on a similar background or relative experience. So, by saving up five minutes to speak to Him at the end of my day when it is convenient, I have therefore decided to treat my relationship with Allah like mine with other humans. I am indirectly saying that I can do without him in the time in between. Or that there is no space or appropriateness for me to connect with Him throughout my day (not including prayers). Now I'm aware that the fact that He watches me at all times means I can assume He is by my side as well. Somewhat like an imaginary friend that's not so imaginary, and who lives in my heart and the universe as a whole.

“I am with those whose hearts are broken for My sake.” Hadith Qudsi


2) My general feelings of mistrust towards people was evident in my belief that as soon as I committed sin, I spent hours begging for forgiveness, never feeling like I have earned or deserved it. I realized that I was implying that Allah's mercy is difficult to attain and that I must be a perfect saint to get some of it. Also expressing that Allah loses something by forgiving, similarly to the way humans perceive to lose ego when they forgive others. It is me that has much to lose, not Him.

A servant [of Allah's] committed a sin and said: O Allah, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for them. Then he sinned again and said: O Lord, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for them. Then he sinned again and said: O Lord, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for sins. Do what you wish, for I have forgiven you. Hadith Qudsi

"O My servants, you sin by night and by day, and I forgive all sins, so seek forgiveness of Me and I shall forgive you."Hadith Qudsi


"O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to rise up in one place and make a request of Me, and were I to give everyone what he requested, that would not decrease what I have, any more that a needle decreases the sea if put into it." Hadith Qudsi


3) I thought that I could only remember Him when I was in an appropriate state; when for example I was on wudu and when I am sitting idly. I realized I was insinuating that in order to gain contact to Allah and pay him respect, I had to be in a state similar to one that would be invoked when meeting another human being. As though Allah cannot see me in all my other states. However, I do continue to prefer to face Allah at a decent time, and preferably to make dua with wudu and facing the Qibla if I'm aware of it's direction, but I do not limit it the same way I limit human interaction.


4) The physical reality we live in with other humans forces us to assume that forces other than our own come from outward places. So I used to look up to the sky when I made supplication. Although I believed Allah is aware of the hearts of all his beings, my actions did not reflect my belief.



"There is no one to share His dominion, nor does He take an aide or supporter from His creatures. He is nearer to man than man's own jugular vein." [Al-Qur'an 50:16]