I want to live as a Muslim, but I am worried about my family's and my circle's reactions."

[فداء الرسول]

Answer to those who say "I want to live as a Muslim, but I am worried about my family's and my circle's reactions."


Before experiencing the morality of the Qur'an, people live according to some social false rules outside of the criteria that Allah has laid out in the Qur'an. Many false rituals formed in a society that is heedless of religion define the relations of its members with other people.
However, the only guidance for humanity is Allah, His Book and the sunnah of Allah's Messenger
(pbuh). Those people who grasp this fact have to leave the period of ignorance behind, abandon all behaviors related to ignorance, and follow only the path revealed in the Qur'an and the Sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh). This surely also applies to one's relations with his or her family and circle.
In some countries, some families may react negatively to family members who want to live by the
Qur'an's values. Some families might have severe reactions if their children display even a small amount of interest in religion. Moreover, in order to keep their children away from religion, they distort some religious commands. Trying to draw them back to ignorance, they tell their children that "The rights of the parents upon their children are above anything else," "It is the greatest sin to oppose parents," and similar unfounded assertions. The resulting psychological pressure may well engender feelings of guilt in children who are not well informed about Islam.
However, as is the case with every other issue, the right thing to do is to resort to the Qur'an. In the
Qur'an, Allah reveals the ideal attitude that believers must assume toward their parents, as follows:
We have instructed man to honor his parents … (Surat al-'Ankabut, 8)
However, this does not mean that children must fulfill or obey all of their parents' wishes unconditionally. Rather, they are to assume a respectful, measured, tolerant, and kind attitude, and to avoid
doing anything that will hurt or bother them. But this does not extend to making concessions in matters
concerning Allah's commands and prohibitions. In the latter part of the above verse, Allah defines the limits of this respect and understanding in the following terms:
… but if they endeavor to make you associate with Me something about which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. It is to Me that you will return, and I will inform you about the things
that you did. (Surat al-'Ankabut, 8)
As explained in the Qur'an if parents say that: "You have to comply with my wish rather than
Allah's," which clearly means, "Your deity is not Allah but me," their children should disobey them, for adopting such an attitude means associating partners to Allah, which is forbidden.
However, along with disobeying one's parents if and when they encourage rebellion against Allah, He encourages believers to be kind to them, although they are unbelievers, and to be tolerant toward them in
mundane matters:
We have instructed man concerning his parents. Bearing him caused his mother great debility, and the period of his weaning was two years. "Give thanks to Me and to your parents. I am your final
destination. But if they try to make you associate something with Me about which you have no
knowledge, do not obey them. Keep company with them correctly and courteously in this world, but follow the Way of him who turns to Me. Then you will return to Me, and I will inform you about the things that you did." (Surah Luqman, 14-15)
When discussing one's parents, Allah especially calls upon believers not to ascribe partners to Him and not to serve anyone or anything other than Him. As the verse above also makes clear, believers must not
obey their parents if they ask them to return to their old ways; rather, they must remain among those who turn
to Allah.
We see in the examples given in the Qur'an that some believers, including the Prophets, were tested through their families or close relatives. Prophet Ibrahim (pbuh), for instance, employed the Qur'an's method
of "not obeying yet getting along well" against his father, who called him to the ignorant way of living:
Mention Ibrahim in the Book. He was a true man and a Prophet. Remember when he said to his father: "Father, why do you worship what can neither hear nor see and is not of any use to you at all? Father, knowledge that never reached you has come to me, so follow me and I will guide you to the right path. Father, do not worship satan. Satan was disobedient to the All-Merciful. Father, I am afraid that a punishment from the All-Merciful will afflict you, and turn you into a comrade of satan." He
[his father] said: "Do you forsake my gods, Ibrahim? If you do not stop, I will stone you. Keep away from me for a good long time." He [Ibrahim] said: "Peace be upon you. I will ask my Lord to forgive
you. He has always honored me." (Surah Maryam, 41-47)
The wives of Prophet Lut (Lot) (pbuh) and Prophet Nuh (pbuh) also became unbelievers, and thus Allah punished them. Allah warned Prophet Nuh (pbuh) that his son was an unbeliever: "Nuh, he is definitely not of your family. He is someone whose action was not righteous. Do not, therefore, ask Me for something about which you have no knowledge." (Surah Hud, 46)
While fulfilling his duty of communicating Islam's message, our Prophet (pbuh) also faced the severe reactions of his close relatives, reactions that extended to the point of hostility. His uncle Abu Lahab, who
had a great aversion toward and grudge against our Prophet (pbuh), made propaganda against him and in their foolishness tried to impede his efforts by placing various difficulties and hardships in his path. Indeed, Allah
devoted a special chapter in the Qur'an to denouncing this man. During the first years of Islam's spread, many
Muslims endured similar reactions and torments from their own families, yet never swerved from the true path. Later, many parents who had been influenced by their children's resoluteness and sincerity embraced
Islam.
The relentless commitment of Muslims in this matter stems from the Qur'an's encouragement of rationalism, as opposed to sentimentality. Muslims are kind, humble people full of love. But once Islam's interests are concerned, they show not the slightest emotional sentiment and never swerve from following Allah's guidance. Since their main goal is to earn His good pleasure, they harbor no prejudice or fixed ideas about any issue, person, or thing. What lies at the bottom of sentimentalism is channeling love to the wrong people. Real believers show their love only to Allah and to those with whom He is pleased. Any love nourished by something other than Allah's good pleasure is associating partners with Allah. In the Qur'an, this situation is explained in the following verses:
He [Ibrahim] said: "You have adopted idols apart from Allah as tokens of mutual affection in this world. But then on the Day of Resurrection you will reject one another and curse one another. The Fire will be your shelter. You will have no helpers." (Surat al-Ankabut, 25)
O you who believe, do not befriend your fathers and brothers if they prefer unbelief to faith. Those among you who do befriend them are wrongdoers. Say: "If your fathers or your sons or your
brothers or your wives or your tribe, or any wealth you have acquired, or any business you fear may
slump, or any house which pleases you, are dearer to you than Allah and His Messenger and striving for His sake, then wait until Allah brings about His command. Allah does not guide people who are deviators." (Surat at-Tawba, 23-24)
The Qur'an refers to believers who had to abandon their homes and families in order to fulfill Allah's commands. One of these people was Maryam (Mary) (pbuh), a young and unprotected woman, who trusted
only in Allah and took refuge in Him. She abandoned her family and people in order to attain His good
pleasure. The Qur'an refers to her in the following terms:
Mention Maryam in the Book, how she withdrew from her people to an eastern place. (Surah
Maryam, 16)
Another example is a group of young people called "the Companions of the Cave." Since their people rebelled against Allah, they abandoned their people and took refuge in a cave. The Qur'an provides the
following account:
Our people have taken deities apart from Him. Why do they not produce a clear authority concerning them? Who could do greater wrong than someone who invents a lie against Allah? When you have separated yourselves from them and everything they worship except Allah, take refuge in the cave, and your Lord will unfold His mercy to you and open the way to the best for you in your situation. (Surah al-Kahf, 15-16)
In brief, new Muslims who have abandoned their former ignorance need to communicate the true path to their parents if they are bereft of the Qur'an's values and try to block their children from earning
Allah's good pleasure. If this communication is ineffective, then again they must be treated with courtesy and
patience. But if they strive to make a believer associate others to Allah, then the correct attitude is not to obey them.

[فداء الرسول]

Answer to the "I want to live by the religion, but I cannot find the internal strength to do so."


This sentence is truly an expression of insincerity. People who utter such words actually know that they are seeking a way to avoid complying with Islam's regulations so that they can continue to follow their selfish desires and passions. Religion does not impose a burdensome way of living upon anybody. Moreover, since Allah created humanity to serve Him, doing so is each person's main duty and is inherent in his or her very nature. In the Qur'an, Allah relates that He created humanity to serve Him, as follows:
I only created jinn and man to worship Me. (Surat adh-Dhariyat, 56)
Claiming that one does not have enough willpower, self-discipline, and self-control to live by Islam's regulations is nothing but an insincere way of evading one's obligations, for:
We do not impose on any self any more than it can stand. With Us there is a Book that speaks the truth. They will not be wronged. However, their hearts are overwhelmed by ignorance about this
matter, and they do other things as well. (surat al-Muminun, 62-63)
As for those who believe and do right actions—We impose upon no self any more than it can bear—they are the Companions of the Garden, remaining in it timelessly, forever. (Surat al-A'raf, 42)
As the verse "Struggle for Allah with the struggle due to Him. He has selected you and not placed any constraint upon you in the religion—the religion of your forefather Ibrahim…" (Surat al-Hajj, 78) stresses, Islam does not place any unbearable burden upon anyone. Its acts of worship, which are very easy to perform, pose no physical difficulties. The morality and the way of life which Allah established in the Qur'an, grant the believers the inner peace, trust, joy and comfort, enable them to experience the true love and friendship, and make them free from concerns, fears and ambitions. Accordingly, Qur'an proclaims that Allah's Messenger (pbuh) "relieves them [his followers] of their heavy loads and the chains that were around them" (Surat al-A'raf, 157). This is also apparent in the Prophet Muhammad's (pbuh) words: "Make thing easy, and do not e make them difficult, and give good tidings and do not make people run away." (Bukhari)
Consequently, it is senseless to say: "I have no strength to live by the religion." Only one thing explains the state of those who, even after all of the truths explained above, still assert such weakness: Under
the influence of their selfish desires, they are looking for a pretext that will allow them to evade the Qur'an's
morality. The Qur'an points out that "those with a sickness in their hearts" make up such excuses to evade the ordeals that believers sometimes undergo.
The verse below explains the state of those who display a similar mentality:
Those who associate others with Allah will say: "If Allah had willed, we would not have associated anything with Him, nor would our fathers; nor would we have made anything unlawful." In the same way, the
people before them also lied until they felt Our violent force. Say: "Do you have some knowledge that you
can produce for us? You are following nothing but conjecture. You are only guessing." (Surat a-An'am, 148) The greatest mistake of such insincere people who offer such excuses is their assumption that they
can deceive Allah and believers. However, they can never deceive Allah, Who knows "what the hearts contain" (Surah Fatir, 38) or believers, to whom Allah grants "a standard [by which to judge between truth
and falsehood]." (Surat al-Anfal, 29)