Jokes and wonders of the Bible

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Episode 24

The camel, rabbit and pig are unclean so you must not eat them

Leviticus 11)New American Standard Bible)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...1&version=NASB

3'Whatever divides a hoof, thus making split hoofs, and chews the cud, among the animals, that you may eat.
4'Nevertheless, you are not to eat of these, among those which chew the cud, or among those which divide the hoof: the camel, for though it chews cud, it does not divide the hoof, it is unclean to you.
5'Likewise, the shaphan, for though it chews cud, it does not divide the hoof, it is unclean to you;
6the rabbit also, for though it chews cud, it does not divide the hoof, it is unclean to you;
7and the pig, for though it divides the hoof, thus making a split hoof, it does not chew cud, it is unclean to you.
8'You shall not eat of their flesh nor touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you.

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Episode 25

Their book is either a liar or does not know how to count

Matthew 12 )New American Standard Bible)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...2&version=NASB

40for just as JONAH WAS THREE DAYS AND THREE NIGHTS IN THE BELLY OF THE SEA MONSTER, so will the Son of Man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.

Matthew 28)New American Standard Bible)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...8&version=NASB

1 Now after the Sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to look at the grave

The crucifixion of Jesus was on Friday
So Jesus was in the grave on the Friday night
And Saturday afternoon
And Saturday night

That makes two nights and one day !!
So where are the three nights and three days in the heart of the earth.

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Episode 26

Paul is a liar, but his history doesn’t tell us except that he’s the author of Christian belief
There is no evidence in the bible that he’s a messenger , so how they trust him ?
But sometimes you may find a Christian tries to ensure that paul is a messenger and that he’s sent by Christ and ensures this by texts from the bible
It’s an advice that when a Christian tries to do that just ask him from which chapter has he got this text
He’ll say : from chapter (…….) .
Ask him : who’s the author of this chapter .
H’ll say : he’s paul .
Laugh loudly and say to him : They said to a stealer swear

How can you interpret paul by paul ???
I challenge any Christian to show a verse that doesn’t come from chapters of paul himself that he’s a messenger of Christ . in the other hand we can see that all Gospels (Matthew , Mark ,John and Luke) have ensured that he’s a liar .

Acts 9 )King James Version)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...09&version=KJV

7And the men which journeyed with him stood speechless, hearing a voice, but seeing no man.

From that we can understand that his companions
1- didn’t see anything
2- they were listening to the voice of God when he talks to him

Acts 22 )King James Version)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...22&version=KJV
9And they that were with me saw indeed the light, and were afraid; but they heard not the voice of him that spake to me.
From that we can understand that his companions
1- saw a light
2- they didn’t hear any voice

The question now is this man a liar or not ??
You will find the answer said by paul


Romans 3 )New King James Version)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...3&version=NKJV

7 For if the truth of God has increased through my lie to His glory, why am I also still judged as a sinner?

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Episode 27

1- How old was he ?

Chronicles2 : 36)King James Version)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...36&version=KJV

9Jehoiachin was eight years old when he began to reign, and he reigned three months and ten days in Jerusalem: and he did that which was evil in the sight of the LORD.

Kings2 : 24 )New International Version)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...24&version=NIV

8Jehoiachin was eighteen years old when he began to reign, and he reigned in Jerusalem three months. And his mother's name was Nehushta, the daughter of Elnathan of Jerusalem.

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Episode 28

2- How old was he ?


Kings2 : 8 )King James Version)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...08&version=KJV

26Two and twenty years old was Ahaziah when he began to reign; and he reigned one year in Jerusalem. And his mother's name was Athaliah, the daughter of Omri king of Israel.

Chronicles2 : 22 )King James Version)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...22&version=KJV

2Forty and two years old was Ahaziah when he began to reign, and he reigned one year in Jerusalem. His mother's name also was Athaliah the daughter of Omri.

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Episode 29

How many stalls for horses Solomon had

Kings1: 4) King James Version)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...04&version=KJV

26And Solomon had forty thousand stalls of horses for his chariots, and twelve thousand horsemen.


Chronicles2 : 9 )King James Version)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...09&version=KJV

25And Solomon had four thousand stalls for horses and chariots, and twelve thousand horsemen; whom he bestowed in the chariot cities, and with the king at Jerusalem.

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Episode 30

How many baths it contained ?



Kings 7 )King James Version)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...07&version=KJV

26And it was an hand breadth thick, and the brim thereof was wrought like the brim of a cup, with flowers of lilies: it contained two thousand baths.

Chronicles2 : 4 )King James Version)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...04&version=KJV

5And the thickness of it was an handbreadth, and the brim of it like the work of the brim of a cup, with flowers of lilies; and it received and held three thousand baths.

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Episode 31

Don’t they know the difference between thousands and hundreds ??


Samuel2 : 8 )King James Version)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...08&version=KJV

3David smote also Hadadezer, the son of Rehob, king of Zobah, as he went to recover his border at the river Euphrates.
4And David took from him a thousand chariots, and seven hundred horsemen, and twenty thousand footmen: and David houghed all the chariot horses, but reserved of them for an hundred chariots.


Chronicles1 : 18 )King James Version)

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...18&version=KJV

3And David smote Hadarezer king of Zobah unto Hamath, as he went to stablish his dominion by the river Euphrates.
4And David took from him a thousand chariots, and seven thousand horsemen, and twenty thousand footmen: David also houghed all the chariot horses, but reserved of them an hundred chariots.

Swear to God a person may wonder how there are 1.7 billion person on earth Follow this book and saying that it’s from God
Maybe they don’t read

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Episode 32

Which son he sent Joram or Hadoram


Samuel2 : 8 )King James Version)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...08&version=KJV

9When Toi king of Hamath heard that David had smitten all the host of Hadadezer,
10Then Toi sent Joram his son unto king David, to salute him, and to bless him, because he had fought against Hadadezer, and smitten him: for Hadadezer had wars with Toi. And Joram brought with him vessels of silver, and vessels of gold, and vessels of brass:


Chronicles1 : 18 )King James Version)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...18&version=KJV
9Now when Tou king of Hamath heard how David had smitten all the host of Hadarezer king of Zobah;
10He sent Hadoram his son to king David, to enquire of his welfare, and to congratulate him, because he had fought against Hadarezer, and smitten him; (for Hadarezer had war with Tou;) and with him all manner of vessels of gold and silver and brass.

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Episode 33

The Author of the Bible is either stupid or drunk
In the same chapter once he said that Michel had five sons and once said that she didn’t had any son



Samuel2 : 6 )King James Version)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...06&version=KJV

23Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no child unto the day of her death.


Samuel2 : 21 )King James Version)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...21&version=KJV

8But the king took the two sons of Rizpah the daughter of Aiah, whom she bare unto Saul, Armoni and Mephibosheth; and the five sons of Michal the daughter of Saul, whom she brought up for Adriel the son of Barzillai the Meholathite: