New to Islam and has problems with her non-Muslim relatives
Question
Asslam alaikom, I am sorry I cannot state my name due to the nature of my problem. I hope you give me advice on the following issue: I am a revert sister, but before Allah guided me I used to live a sinful life. I mean that I used to be a "model" for dirty magazines. I do not want to go into details how much I have regretted it and how the memories haunt me day and night giving me heartache and rivers of tears. My question is:Even that time I hid that part of my life from my family, but it turned out that actuallyhttp://www.islamweb.net/ver2/Archive/images/icon--1.gifthe evidence of what I did. And they told to other members of the family. It's been years now that I am a muslim, I am good to them (I was always) and I help them now whenever I can. However, one of my family member told that to the future husband of my mother. He had absolutely no reason except what I think is that during my last visit he felt humiliated by my rejection of him hugging me, refusing their wine and disappearing for prayers, etc. I did not preach to them, I did not point to what they do wrong, I was not arrogant, I never hurt them or talked bad of them. I am usually a peace-maker of the family. And he did that! They also refusing and ridiculing Islam although they do not dare to do that in my presence. I feel I never wanna see anybody who knows about my past again. And also how can I meet the future husband of my mum if he knows "that"? But I know cutting off family ties is not allowed in Islam. I wanna please Allah and do what is best, maybe if I continue to be good to them their attitude may change and Allah opens their heart to Islam. My husband is furious (and me, too), he does not understand how can a male family member disclose such a thing to a stanger about her niece?! What are my duties towards these people, can I cut off our relations or I should be patient.. or should I do what my husband tell me?How can I look at them again in hijab when I know they know... But I would like to do what is required from me. Please note that
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
First of all, we congratulate you upon embracing Islam, and we ask Allaah to make you firm and steadfast on it until the day you meet Him.
You should know that Islam wipes out the previous sins as Allaah Says (what means): {Say to those who have disbelieved [that] if they cease, what has previously occurred will be forgiven for them.}[Quran 8:38]. Furthermore, the Prophet http://www.islamweb.net/ver2/Archive/images/icon--1.gif said to 'Umar http://www.islamweb.net/ver2/Archive/images/icon--3.gif: "Did you not know, o 'Umar that Islam wipes out the previous sins?" Therefore, you should continue your life as if nothing had happened and you should not take into consideration the whispers of the human devils and jinn. You should be patient on their harm as there is good in patience. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 88764.
We advise you to be kind and dutiful to your family and be keen on calling them to Islam according to your ability. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 92127,85180, 82771 and 82279.
As regards cutting ties with them, it is permissible to cut ties with a non-Muslim in any case. Al-Haafith http://www.islamweb.net/ver2/Archive/images/icon--6.gif when interpreting the following narration: "It is not permissible for a Muslim to cut relations with his brother." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim], said: 'This narration is evidence that it is permissible to cut relations with a non-Muslim, as there is no support and loyalty between a Muslim and non-Muslim.' Rather, it is an obligation to cut relations with a non-Muslim in some cases. As-Saffaareeni http://www.islamweb.net/ver2/Archive/images/icon--6.gif quoted the statement of Imaam Ahmad http://www.islamweb.net/ver2/Archive/images/icon--6.gif which reads: 'It is an obligation to severe ties with a non-Muslim or an innovator whose innovation renders him dissolute, or a person who calls to a misguiding or dissolute innovation. Only those who are not able to refute the arguments of the above-mentioned dissolute people and innovators are obliged to cut relations with them, but those who can encounter them and refute their claims are not obliged to do so.'
Therefore, if you are safe from being afflicted in your religion and you are able to socialize with them while being able to observe the matters of your religion, like wearing Hijaab and the like, and you believe that this will be a reason of softening their hearts, then it is permissible for you to keep ties with them, otherwise it is better for you to cut relations with them in order to be safe in your religion but you should be kind and dutiful to your mother as much as possible; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 86378.
Finally, it should be noted that it is not an obligation to keep ties with non-Muslim relatives as the Prophet http://www.islamweb.net/ver2/Archive/images/icon--1.gif said: "The family of my father are not loyal to me, as my Protector and Guardian is Allaah and the believers, but I just keep ties with them to the very minimum." [Al-Bukhaari]
Ibn Hajar http://www.islamweb.net/ver2/Archive/images/icon--6.gif said: 'Al-Qurtubi, said: "This narration is evidence that there is no loyalty between a Muslim and a non-Muslim even if he is a very close relative.'
Allaah Knows best.
